Here is what I’m thinking about: I believe that I am not my ideas; I believe I am a core set of values. My values (strongest beliefs) are the foundation of the filter I use to make choices and decisions for my life. I am continually growing my values based on my life experiences and my desire to develop my character continually. I am constantly filtering ideas, conversations, what I read, and what I listen to to find truth and apply it in life.
I have also done the work to establish my identity as an individual. My identity is the other important part of the filter I have created to be able to daily re-aim my life and continually be creating a vision to move forward. This kind of clarity allows me to have a starting point no matter the opportunity or adversity I’m facing. Making mistakes is human; I’m always falling short, but living by my code and having the language to hold myself accountable gives me a fighting chance to control and train my emotions and correct my attitude consistently. My emotions give my life meaning, and my values are the guard rails that keep me moving forward consistently.
I think it is the mark of a mature person to be able to be in a conversation that challenges your ideas and beliefs and then keep your emotions under control. The understanding that you don’t have to believe what another person believes just because you are in conversation with them seems obvious. Still, it’s a skill you must intentionally hone to keep gaining perspective and growing.
There is a difference between compromising your values and being in a thought-provoking, challenging conversation with someone who doesn’t necessarily believe precisely as you do. At one point or another, all of us have found ourselves in a conversation just like what I’m describing.
Play this game, use this mindset tool in a conversation that challenges your beliefs: CAPTURE YOUR FIRST THOUGHT - If your first thought is to be offended, you know you're wrong. Being offended means, YOU are not good enough with your words. It means YOU need to do more work to define yourself and put what you believe into language, so it’s a tool in your life, become a better communicator. Fix your bad speech with better speech.
How can I be so sure I’m right? Because it’s just true that nobody can make you feel. Each of us as an individual can be in control of our emotional responses and our attitude. It’s not easy; it takes practice, we will constantly feel, that is to be human, but we can train and develop our responses. Being prepared for a mature conversation where you don’t confuse the ideas your working through with your values means you will have to do the foundational work to define yourself.
I think it’s a mistake to be married to your ideas. I believe that we should constantly be testing what we believe in, strengthening those values, continually be willing to be in conversations that challenge us to organize our thoughts and perspective. Self-certainty is one of the worst human attributes in my mind. When I say self-certainty, I’m describing a person who is an ideologue, who thinks what they believe on a given subject is right and who becomes defensive if their ideas or perspective is challenged. Being right and speaking the truth is not the same thing. Ideas, values, and identity are all different things, and each plays an essential role in our mindset. S&H!
Keep Coming Forward
Jim Hensel
